Sunday, September 17, 2017

ゴロ Seven Billion Hairy Nuts To This

...So it takes a "Guatemalan Roulette" moment of this: I'm still feeling the effects of a lucky, bitter rambutan seed (OH MY GOD I WAS NOT PLAYING WITH FIRE INTENTIONALLY WHOA! AS I'M WRITING THIS HUNTER S. THOMPSON AND NANCY BUKOWSKI AS MY METHYLAMPHETAMINE WITNESSES HONEST!!!)  to tell you all ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!

The real dish, in case I expire:

Mathangi is in fact a major TOTAL lesbo, and I'm still stinging in my conscience that I secretly called her a big, fat dyke. YOLANDI TOTALLY DID NOT PUT ME UP TO IT! Anyway, sorry about that M.I.A...

JESUS CHRIST ON PERPETUAL SHIT-SNEER ALERT did not -- oh no he did not -- try to kill his OWN DAMN woman in MY motherfucking yard. Not with herr-ON. aw HElL nOO0! UH-uH. aND By the way, I ain't youR tool, jefe. You just know who the real men and women around here are, and you ain't fooling my tweaker ass no way no how. WHAT THE FUCK? HELL NO I AIN'T VOTING TO MURDER YOUR ADMITTEDLY HATEFUL BITCH. Fuck your ass FOREVER YOU ECUADORIAN SOURPUSS WARLOCK. FUCK THAT!

...And in that same breath, I ain't fixin' to be nobody big myself but I am fit to be tied. I'm trying to marry a motherfucking Marine ain't nobody think is is own man. I got problems AND I LOOK TOO FORTY YEARS OLD AS SUCH ANYWAY. Mabuhay is not an imperative in -- durrr, Crapplegate! -- "Tag-a-long." Motherfucker, I utter ULTIMATUMS WHEN i SAY MABUHAY! It's an "or else" word, cantante, senyor you CONTRACTION/APOSTRAPHE all!?

[/puttingmyfootdown] No ubb tags, no.

Anyways.... To the future miss Congenianlity of Bakersfield "Oh, no, hon, one candle on your cupcake for the sixteenth birthday, and you're lucky if old neighbor Will Way shows up in a white pinafore and a wig -- WITH A BURNING HAND OF GLORY CANDLE -- to tell you and you alone, all in your little nong, wannabe chola CABEZA, SEE, the following (in an unnatural hiss): "I CURSE YOUR WEDDING DAY!!!"

...From hell's heart, I spit at thee.... YADDA-YADDA-YADDA.

Screed out, hella love from the 530 to all...

PS: I know I shouldn't say this, but I just love my brownies....

PPS: THE NERVE TOXIN I THINK MOSTLY ANTIDOTED. HOT HALF-AND-HALF, CONTINUING TO DRINK IT... WOOPS!

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