Monday, August 31, 2015

Research Into The Events of 2009

ABIs, brain implants, and cochlear implants.  I love Wikipedia as a jumping off point for solid research into certain technologies and phenomena.  Did you know, for instance, that cochlear implants of a certain kind can induce psychosis?  Fascinating stuff.

I feel like Jaime Sommers crossed with Sylvia Brown.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Dad

Reason for visit:  Acute Respiratory Failure

Medical Problems:

  • Chronic respiratory disease
  • Chronic a-fib
  • Hyponatremia
  • Chronic, continuous use of opioids
  • Anemia
  • Acute respiratory failure
  • Staphylococcus aureus bacteremia
  • COPD exacerbation
  • Atrial fibrillation with rapid ventricular response
  • Encephalopathy
  • Sepsis
  • Alcoholism
  • Decreased urine volume
  • Coagulopathy
  • MRSA bacteremia
Doesn't sound good, does it?  And he's only 67.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Tenderloin Neighborhood Development Corporation

While I spent the last five years at 212, 230 Eddy Street, San Francisco, CA, trying my best not to do the "hot bitch from the 70s" routine where I shrink up against the wall and scream that they're coming to kill me for hours on end, it never occurred to me to put these questions to the City government, HUD, or the intelligence community (a pinay who lived in Riyadh?  Who are you people fooling...)  Anyway:

- What happened to that hot padre who was killed under mysterious circumstances (some say under a cloud) in Rome all those years ago?  Was his death where TNDC started going wrong?

- What if it's not all in my head and nowhere else besides in my head?  Hmm?

- How did that notorious pig Frank Haros (infamous in the 10 square blocks of the Tenderloin for years to come) able to piss everyone off for so long without paying for it?  I mean, who throws money out the window in people's faces and mentions "owning" someone in a predominately black neighborhood and get away with it, among other atrocities?  How did I luck into being a part of that freak show (albeit part-time)?

- Government-subsidized housing in San Francisco isn't rent-controlled?  What does that bode for TNDC's little system wherein they evict "trouble" tenants?

- What did the sheriff's deputy do when he showed up on the 22nd of October to escort me out and found that a gang of paid police officers had rousted me illegally from the unit?  I should follow up on that one.  (That's pretty sad:  in a town whose police department has no Internal Affairs division, you have to be pretty stupid to get in hot water with the commish...)

- Did anyone laugh at William's "Barbara Hershey from THE ENTITY" jokes?

Other questions may occur to me, but I'm kind of over it...

I Wonder How Dearly...

...My mother and I will pay for keeping my father alive with the dark art of necromancy.  Already nurses in definitive care hear the eldritch voices of spirits we have conjured with our eerie spells (and as anyone in scrubs knows, it's bad juju to hear voices -- voices carry!)  I don't know how long we can keep this up...

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Snake Oil Pitch

We see it every day in the news:  crime, war, sex, drugs, corruption, bad driving.  If only you had the world's ear...

Are people too much for you?  Do they seem out of control?  Don't you wish you could take them in hand and put them where you know they need to be -- where you know they'd be better off?  Try Doctor E's patented program.  Now this is no easy pharmaceutical fix, but a holistic approach that uses Doctor E's proprietary formula combined with a no-nonsense, take-no-prisoners mental program administered by a crack team of behavioral healthcare technicians who know and understand just what you're sure is wrong with the world today.

We can fix your problem, which is that until now you had no way to administer your solution to everyone else's problems (which as we are all aware are right in front of their noses -- if only someone was there to tell them!)  You know what everybody needs, and now, with Doctor E's amazing program, someone's come up with a way to help you get there.

Call now with your credit card at the ready to order your one-of-a-kind panacea for a world gone haywire.  You just know everybody would agree with you -- here's your best chance of convincing them!

(Offer available in California, Maryland, Virginia, Florida, Texas, and Washington, D.C. only.  Our basic package is available for three monthly installments of $1,000,000,000.99 and includes the controversial-yet-sexy elderly/addict/schizophrenics demographic management and containment program.  Megalomaniacal supervillains, please ask for our Prerogatives Extras -- a modestly priced perk for the admirably ambitious and in no way hypocrisy-ridden.)

From Doctor E, creator of psychic, non-smoking Sea Monkeys.  Doctor E, a name you can trust!

"You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs,"  says Donald Rumsfeld -- he knows our program works.  Check out our brochure for other celebrity endorsements.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

The Olive Orchards of Corning

You can see them from the I-5: row upon row of short, thick, gnarled trees.  The two-tone leaves give the overall impression of dark green velour.  Dry, red-brown dirt kicks up into the air from under the feet of migrant workers walking through the orchard.

It looks to be an impressive harvest this year.  The olives look fat and juicy.  Soon they'll be picked and cured, and thousands of people will descend on Corning to sample the bumper crop.

Olive harvest is one of my favorite times of the year.  I am fortunate to live only an hour away from Northern California's treasure of these delicious fruit...