Friday, December 6, 2013

"Transporter Room Four"

[Transporter technician emery-boards his nails at the console.  Sitting down, legs crossed.]

[Second man in circuitry cabinet on wall, to Technician's right.]

Technician:  Jenkins, I told you to stop fiddling with that.  Nothing in here works right.  You're just going to make it worse.

Jenkins:  Do you know how many times I've had to share the turbolift with Lieutenant Del Toro?  I can't even look him in the eye.  THE MAN LOST HIS ARMS.  I just stand there, looking at everything but him.  And he won't stop clearing his throat the whole time.

Technician:  Well, even if you fixed every glitch in this room, including the coordinate resolver terminal, it wouldn't bring his arms back.  Besides, he can get prosthetics, make himself the arm-wrestling champ of every shore leave.  He would win every bar fight.

[Phone rings.  Technician lifts receiver to ear.]

Technician:  Transporter room four here.  [Pause as someone else is talking.]  No, I really don't think that's a good idea [Pause.]  Oh, a red shirt?  Really?  What department?  [Pause.]  Engineering?  Well has everyone else got their digs in?  Yeah, cos this is pretty final.  Yeah.  [Pause.]  Let me guess, he thinks Scotty's his best friend...  [Pause]  Ha, what a sucker.  Yeah, send him down.  I don't know, that's your job.  It's not going to be an intra-ship transport, that's for sure.  Could you imagine if he materialized in the galley?  No one would eat for a week.  [Pause]  Well come up with something, and I'll hack a fudge for the transport log.  [Pause]  15 minutes?  Sounds good.  Just one more thing...  He isn't cute, is he?  {Pause]  Well, that's a shame.  God, I hope he's wearing clean underwear...