Saturday, July 14, 2012

What I Heard

At first blush sounded sadistic yet squeamish.  Textbook evil:  sexual hang-ups, purity fixation, avarice, hunger for power, vanity, smugness, conceit, hypocrisy.  I wasn't allowed to notice the kiss-up/kick-down mentality, but I'm sure it went on.  Total domination:  totally gay, dude.  Anyway, I'm beginning to realize what I really heard:  frustration, need, pain.  What do I say?  This world has been rough on me, but I reacted differently.  I have a different disposition.  Yes, my life has purpose, direction, and all the buttercream frosting I could ask for.  It has all that because I didn't ask for it or expect it.  What words really need to be said?  I mourn the suffering of others, but I can't go overboard tossing a flailing fellow a life preserver, can I?  What can I do other than sympathize and offer love?  I'm a good person if the kind of people who aren't afraid to make eye contact are to be believed, and deserve the best life has to offer.  I wish I could do better at taking it to heart.  How does it follow that I inspire jealousy and resentment?  And how can I alleviate the suffering of others?  Or should I wish to?

Rant over.

EDITED TO ADD:  No, actually, I did in fact catch the compliments and well-wishing that occasionally came through, and I treasure it.