Also, I Played '...Carmen San Diego' On The IIe, Harrumph

Two calls to customer service (alas I did *not* ask for a supervisor, but still...)

Snail mail: too EXTREME? ARGHHH!

Possession With Intent....

Frame job of yours truly increasingly unlikely.... Weirdos. (Check it, Smeck!) But I must say, Virginia had a sour attitude last week. Maybe the Way family could give it up for an intervention on television, with KCRA (certainly Tim Crews would smell a rat a mile away.) As long as anyone who speaks out can be discredited, right? Unfortunately, Bentonville sent poor "Marc," who rather looks like a condom full of gristle and green bacon drippings, to hack his way through an ill-advised takedown (haven't seen him lately, but his name is still on receipts -- at least ours from today.)

Meanwhile, as of today, around 12PM, Interstate meat from Clackamas (the 73% lean) is still there:

pic from 05/24/2017, mid-day

BE ADVISED: I trusted this meat for months, and could not believe that there was some sort of filler in the March batch. Walmart continues to treat me "suspect" as a customer, and Bentonville has apparently been dissuaded initially from outright paying me off, as well as addressing the very real problems with the Clackamas, OR operation. I RECOMMEND AGAINST BUYING THIS IF YOU SEE IT IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA STORES.

My family spends hundreds of dollars at the #02053 store (Willows, CA, off the I-5) every week, and I will continue shopping there until I am banned.... (In good Walmart news: got everything we needed today for brother's visit this weekend.)

********

Gardening II: The Upside of Walmart

Just to prove I'm not some bad egg who got lucky with some foreign matter-contaminated ground beef from the EVIL CORPORATION THAT CANNOT GET ITS SHIT STRAIGHT, I'd like to point out that store #02053's (Willows, California) nursery is bangin' for Spring 2017. Here's a look at today's offering -- get those violets while they're hot! (And yes, plenty of herbs...)

Petunias

Bougainvillea

Some generously proportioned daisy -- variety name begins with a "C"

Geraniums -- the real thing, just like Drew Barrymore's in E.T. THE EXTRATERRESTRIAL (1982)

Dianthus (Sweet William -- that's me!)

Some sort of golden calla lily -- probably wants more shade than we get in 7B...

See, Doug McMillon (Duke left with a $140,000,000 kiss behind the ear years ago -- my bad), you evil hillbilly, I'm not just out to fuck over Walmart. But clearly, I ain't fixin' to be no Nova Lee Nation, neither... I got you by the balls, fuguratively, my grip being my possession of certain stuff that never should have been sold at your stores yet was. (Pony up, pretty boy! You owe me more than $30 for that shitty hamburger -- can I get an "Amen," readers?)

********

"Don't You Know Who I Am?"

MY NAME IS PEACHES, MOTHERFUCKER!

American Woman, Mama Let Me Be

TRUMP SUPPORTERS BE ALL LIKE:  "What is Hillary hiding?!? [huff]"

AND CLINTON SUPPORTERS BE ALL LIKE:  "Not her dewlap, girl, okay! [sissy snap]"

...Anyway, darling, how are you doing your hair today?  Because I can't stand you at all...  [BREXIT STAGE ON GURNEY]

Spark It Up!

(Well, I guess it's better than: "Your teen comes home smelling like semen, and the voices in your head tell you he's on meth. Now what? MYBRATISBOGARTINGPARTYFAVORSSMIRK.ORG...")

If I Were A Rich Man...

...I would broach the subject of underwriting the construction of a new wing at San Francisco General Hospital.  It would be devoted to patients who suffer from problems that at first blush seem perfectly pedestrian but for some reason or another when those particular patients in their individual cases have those problems, they happen to piss most everyone else off, and no one can adequately explain why.

PSA

No, seriously, I'm never doing methamphetamine again.  It's just as they said, a gateway drug, leading to harder things, like erections.

(And I had no idea Nestlé owns Wonka.  No wonder I never won a golden ticket.  It's a conspiracy!)

(Thanks, Tina Fey...)

Apropos of Brexit... (Blech. Sit.)

Fee fie FOE fumble...

(My favorite part, of course, is when the party that fell flat on its face then pops up with a triumphant TA-DA!!!)

The Hollow Man's Advice Column: "On Professionalism"

Q.  "Is it acceptable to use the term 'reach out' in the workplace?"

A.  It is only if you're a member of The Four Tops.  Otherwise, absolutely not.

Disillusionment and the Singles Scene

I would create a Tinder profile, but it seems my job title, "Apparent Victim With A Twist" isn't "hot," and won't get me laid.

(Of course, it's still better than the poorly paid -- except in awkward sex, regrettable drugs, showily patriotic lip service, and hollow thanks -- position of "Ex-Marine," right guys?)

Thank you, SFGate, for another display of journalistic ineptitude, the contents of which give me every reason to be appalled at humanity and the myriad ways it can fail itself...

Old Beach Haven Ain't My Home

The old bolsheviks admonished us to kill all the landlords, but in my opinion (one echoing the experiences of Woodie Guthrie), low-income housing profiteers are the worst.  It's ugliest in the middle echelons. #TNDC.

Fighting Evil

Issue one:  I have a rather scathing and witty opinion of that element of program that uses the social stigma attached to HIV in order to induce those who are positive (and often good people) to commit suicide by stopping their treatment.  I know of two specific cases in which this happened, and it was attempted with me.  I prevailed, but others have not been as lucky -- maybe they weren't smart enough fast enough to think their way out of it (which is really all you need to beat it), but nobody deserves that treatment.  My only solution is remembering that old '80s phrase:  "Silence = Death."  Communication saves lives, so people should not fall for the suggestion that being quiet is necessary.  People can try to punish others for opening up and being honest, but we can't let intimidation work.

Issue two:  There is a subculture in the medical community that enjoys certain indulgences.  Their tastes in pleasure is vile and disgusting (you can usually tell who they are because they have certain inchoate opinions on "pleasure-seeking" and have other just as inchoate opinions on the medical usefulness of inducing or refusing to alleviate pain -- they have lessons to teach, and high-handedly set themselves above patients.)  There's still sort of a secret war going on among doctors and nurses:  those who subscribe to the aforementioned modes of thought and those who are not twisted.  I've done my best to observe, report, and fight, but this battle leaves me mostly on the sidelines.  It's nice to see that there's some progress being made, but it's an ongoing battle.

Issue three:  In my life I've had the displeasure of encountering that element in society which preys upon anyone who is socially isolated (usually drugs or alcohol are involved.)  That element has the nerve to attempt to get victims to blame themselves.  This element is composed of emotional vampires who often take advantage of the inebriated.  A (pyrrhic) victory occured in my case when I was targeted, though sober and socially well-connected.  I'm glad I got my licks in, and it was nice to see a really ugly side of humanity have to withdraw and lick its collective wounds.  Score one for the good guys.

To The Moon, Alice

My friend Aric once told me, "Will, most people are stupid scum who are not worth your time."  I didn't argue with that, but I never took it to heart.  I believe most people are inherently good, or at least they try to be good, and I believe humanity is worth preserving.  I'm all for the continued survival of the species.

The best strategy to ensure the continued survival of the species is the colonization of space.  While NASA and other countries' space agencies are doing fine, solid groundwork, these are a list of my favorite private and non-profit ventures that are pointing humanity in the right direction -- the direction of the stars:

Reaction Engines, Ltd. (The Skylon space plane)
Bigelow Aerospace (Inflatable modular space stations)
SpaceX
Blue Origin
Orbital Sciences Corporation
Planetary Resources (asteroid mining and in situ resource utilization)
Mars One (Mars colonization -- not-for-profit)

Bitte, Bitte, Herr Doktor

So a multi-billion-dollar, several-year behavioral modification project involving subjects that may number in the hundreds if not thousands -- a project aimed at shaping reality just so to the liking of a few would-be pashas -- crashed and burned.  It's not the first time something of such huge scale and importance collapsed under it's own weight.  What did they expect of me?  All I did was salvage what I could, eating shit and shitting gold, and save as many lives as possible.  I used what was available to me as an individual to effect change in reality that I wanted, and that I thought was for the best.  I'm not perfect, and my efforts were flawed, but a little gratitude and respect wouldn't be out of order.  You're all very welcome.

P.S.  It doesn't do to mess with the king of the candy store.  That shit will come back and bite you in the ass.

P.P.S.  Surprise!  That was me.  I did all that.  Ta-da!

Not That The Onus Is On Me...

...to "prove" anything, but I think when I get paid next month I'm just going to go ahead and buy an otoscope, and post a picture of my outer ear canal and eardrum.  Then we can all agree for once and for all whether or not I do have some kind of hardware in my skull (I don't see how it's possible, because I don't recall any recovery time being necessary after the procedure was allegedly performed in 2009.  Weird shit.)

It should at least put to rest any debate that's going on out there among those schizophrenics, tweakers, and other undiagnosed individuals as to whether or not I personally have a government implant.  I mean, I could just be as crazy as everybody else.  That is a possibility...

Big Girls Don't Cry

Fergie learned her lesson.

Dad At Colusa Regional Medical Center

When I was a little boy, my father would always tell me, "Life isn't fair."  But he was wrong, like he proved to be wrong about everything.  Life is exceedingly fair, and no one gets away with anything for very long.  My mother was more correct:  "It always catches up with you in the end and kicks your ass."  Whose to say?  It's not about naivete or cynicism, delusion or realism.  It's beyond blame and fault.  It's about memory.  How does our memory serve us?

In most non-sociopaths, memory is a faulty thing.  Better to rely on faith than on memory.  I personally have a memory like that of an elephant.  I can't remember specific calender dates (making me a bad plaintiff), but I can remember the tone and gist of what's come to pass.  I'm kind of unique.  (Also, I smell funny to some people, but that is a nonsequitur...)

If memory serves, I was subject to abuse at the hands of those who had me as their charge to keep.  I was mistreated, invaded, assaulted, constrained, and tormented.  I was subjected to chemical restraint at Saint Francis Medical Center in San Francisco -- illegal in the state of California.  I was told by the property management at 230 Eddy, "I don't want to know why you're qualified to live in subsidized housing.  Then I'd be guilty of discrimination."  I was told by my social worker at San Francisco's General Hospital's Ward 86 (get it?  You're 86'd:  the last bar you can be thrown out of in San Francisco) -- I was told this:  that in the case where I was powerless against the powerful, I was to blame for the situation in which I found myself.  The only defense those who did these things had was that it left no physical mark besides the cigarette burns I inflicted on myself in order to obey the voices, using pain to anchor myself in reality to save myself.

But this is not about me.  A lot has been about me, but this is about everyone but me.  I've never needed a boyfriend I could cuddle with more in my life.  I'd even sleep with Matthew Barney right now if it meant a modicum of comfort and a transient moment of bliss.  I'm so blind to the world of cause and effect sometimes, no matter how in it I am mired.

So my dad left the hospital against medical advice.  At least, that's their story and he's abiding by it.  There's only these key pieces of evidence I have:  he was non-ambulatory patient who for months had threatened to leave, and had accused staff of holding him against his will, but only last night did they call and say, "He's threatening to leave against medical advice."  I told them, "So all you have to do is refuse to assist him in leaving.  No sweat."  Then this morning, I got a call from dad saying he was at the casino and needed a ride home.  I assumed it was a bullshit call.  I phoned the medical center's skilled nursing facility and asked the nurses station, which is right next to my dad's room,, "Is he still there?"

She put me on hold.  Big tell.

She came back on the line to say he left AMA.  I swear to God (of whom the sociopaths have a certainty -- bless their hearts -- and in whom the rest of us have to gin up faith), I'm going to get a lawyer (possibly via this blog post) and have a case.  We are a poor, well-educated family which has always turned it's nose up at litigation.  But this smells like an out-of-court settlement situation.

What do you, the Perry Mason fans at home think?

It's So Like Me

To count my blessings even as I pray for rain.

Snake Oil Pitch

We see it every day in the news:  crime, war, sex, drugs, corruption, bad driving.  If only you had the world's ear...

Are people too much for you?  Do they seem out of control?  Don't you wish you could take them in hand and put them where you know they need to be -- where you know they'd be better off?  Try Doctor E's patented program.  Now this is no easy pharmaceutical fix, but a holistic approach that uses Doctor E's proprietary formula combined with a no-nonsense, take-no-prisoners mental program administered by a crack team of behavioral healthcare technicians who know and understand just what you're sure is wrong with the world today.

We can fix your problem, which is that until now you had no way to administer your solution to everyone else's problems (which as we are all aware are right in front of their noses -- if only someone was there to tell them!)  You know what everybody needs, and now, with Doctor E's amazing program, someone's come up with a way to help you get there.

Call now with your credit card at the ready to order your one-of-a-kind panacea for a world gone haywire.  You just know everybody would agree with you -- here's your best chance of convincing them!

(Offer available in California, Maryland, Virginia, Florida, Texas, and Washington, D.C. only.  Our basic package is available for three monthly installments of $1,000,000,000.99 and includes the controversial-yet-sexy elderly/addict/schizophrenics demographic management and containment program.  Megalomaniacal supervillains, please ask for our Prerogatives Extras -- a modestly priced perk for the admirably ambitious and in no way hypocrisy-ridden.)

From Doctor E, creator of psychic, non-smoking Sea Monkeys.  Doctor E, a name you can trust!

"You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs,"  says Donald Rumsfeld -- he knows our program works.  Check out our brochure for other celebrity endorsements.