FYI

...My machine is http://208.184.161.143/...

...Just 'cos I've had weird issues with stalking and such; figure I may as well did myself (of course, I can only hope this post doesn't ruin my chances with that good-looking, creepy Marine I'm into...)

Not Mark Feathers (Who Was The Manager), and Not "Marc"....

....Who was an employee I'd seen from time to time....

Who was this?

...At #02053 off the I-5 in Willows, CA (ZIP 95988)??? Totally grossed me out of the store when it was my turn to talk to him. Ugh.

What Seems To Be The Problem

Ward 86 (HIV) clinic
(Mark Zuckerberg, San Francisco General Hospital...)

Also, lots of examples of people pranking, doing me and my family and loved ones wrong...

Who would have the power to do this?

What evidence to I have? (Duh...)

Why would there be a conspiracy to do me this magnitude of wrong?

I'm stably housed...

My history of activism...

I'm pretty and talented...

My values are at odds with the system's...

Kamala Harris said "...investigate gang-stalking in California..."

++++++++

Begging for assistance with housing... Especially because we're over the County line -- a trip with the Glenn programs that offer assistance; also, much of the ask going to demolition and removal costs...

Wouldn't It Be Great If One Could Just Shut Me Down With Accusations of Meth-induced Paranoia?

Weird stuff still going on: AT&T cell calling 911 answered by who? Federal law enforcement?

...

Mom's been fucking with the freezers, ruined all of her ice cream last week; cubed chuck gone and replaced by OLD top sirloin from a store we've never been to (but I turned it into a nice meal anyway...); somebody still eating up my cell minutes; I think my brother and others are spying on the car via Onstar; somebody still stealing mail; Walmart has yet to compensate me adequately for bad meat...

...

I don't know who's giving lil ol' me grief: NSA? CIA? FBI?

...

Weirdness still going on at SF Zuckerberg General's Ward 86 (HIV) clinic; I go back on the 23rd for psychiatry. Must rejigger my medication regimen...

...

Matt Damon on The New World Order

********

There Will Be A Light

....For Anthony Hill....For Bettie Jones and Quintonio LeGrier....For Keith Lamont Scott....And for the Rhoden Eight of Pike County, Ohio (three children of the family did survive through the nightmares in their heads, and should live though they might forever be scarred....)

So many of us still live, and through this day, scores drown in the Mediterranean escaping North Africa; Athens is on fire; Cairo and Caracas bleed.

But this isn't over, and we shall overcome.

UPDATE: Just on PBS: Since 2005, 82 non-federal police officers have been charged with murder or manslaughter after having taken another's life in the line of duty....

...

I have yet to be compensated to my satisfaction by Walmart for the fact that one day, I put Clackamas meat in my mouth that never should have been sold. They still try to put on their self-indulgent little shitshow every time I come in to buy groceries, but as recently as yesterday, what did I see in the meat department but this:

I have a pretty good feeling about Doug McMillon in Bentonville, and I doubt he'd have a problem chucking the several thousand I averred would mollify me onto the NetSpend card for which I gave him and his people the routing number and account number.... Then again, he could always just donate to my GoFundMe site for these dang house renovations that are so pressing....

...

Jonesy's still missing, I'm pretty sure; it looks like somebody else dropped off a "new" cat of the same breed by our house -- one that is still under the house and has no interest in us. I hope she is altered, otherwise mom's going to have more kittens on her hands....

Sarah at the San Francisco SPCA (where Jonesy has her papers for having been altered and innoculated) asked if I had reached out to local law enforcement and animal control. I assured her that they've made clear, in both Colusa and Glenn counties, that I'm not to expect to be protected or served.... Odd man out, for some reason or another (not that I didn't try.)

...

Arnold Loved Hearts

And one day, Arnold took off for where I'd been, knowing I'd have left hearts. On his way to collect those hearts, Arnold got killed, they told me. It was very sad. I was very sad. Everybody was very sad. The details as relayed to me were fuzzy -- just something that happened. Arnold was a baby. I still miss you, Arnold.

...

I might be seeing a lawyer about an affidavit regarding my years as a TNDC tenant on the 5th -- for sure I'm seeing the psychiatrist about my diagnoses, as well as about that 2014 MRI, which medical records assure us was "unremarkable." We'll need to talk definitely about Chantix, as nothing else has helped me quit cigarettes!

...

With this kind of weather in May, it'll be a wonder if we here in Colusa and Glenn counties don't see thunderstorms in July or August, maybe -- murie sing cuccu.

...

So European! American Spirit Black are over $10 per pack at the Stonyford General Store -- but the two-for-a-dollar Swishers are still as marked! (I tend to favor the blueberry when it comes to the latter.)

...

Cleaned that Perry Ellis linen suit of Eric's. Funny enough, with a little pressing, it fits me just fine. I'll look positively fabulous with it and an ice-cold bottle of Ruffino, whether at the lake or at the top of the 19th Street stairs! If only I can find those damn Nico Nerinis; they're probably hidden somewhere in a friend's garage.

...

The very word "Dunkirk" fills me with a vast sorrow and an aching keen; that's the title of a movie about the WWI battle coming out this summer.

...

Apparently, Mr. McMillon in Bentonville gave the go-ahead for me to be corrected by Walmart staff as though I'm a Dorothy Allison creation whenever I'm in the Willows store (#02053). My mother dutifully misplaced her receipt, so I'm not sure if "Marc" with a "C" (who uses his smartphone as a weapon against the possible legion of Nova Lee Nations out there) was on the receipt last week. (In addition, I despair of ever finding that damn football-themed gift card sent me by Ryan in Clackamas, OR.) Who knows what non-fun will take place on the AM of May 24th? Really, I just wanted to be fairly compensated or paid off for what's square.

********

Bored of Games

Let's face this one right out of the gate:  MONOPOLY is a fucking evil game that brings out the worst in everybody, making all the players mean and nasty -- even yours truly.

OPERATION was a ratfuck, and immediately gave me away...

I wanted to like CANDYLAND, until it just had to teach me a lesson, and became CHUTES AND LADDERS, with more chutes than ladders, and was ultimately a contrived study in diminishing returns.

Don't get me started on BATTLESHIP, an invitation to cheating and unseaworthy shenanigans.

And lastly, I completely lost it with CLUE as soon as I realized that the only redeeming character (who also happened to be the only one not deserving of prosecution and, yes, death) was none other than -- ready for it, players? -- Chilly Willy, on the front porch, with a .3 shot of peanut butter.

Games have their place in life, but life cannot be contained by games.  Why, look at the game of LIFE: like Anya Jenkins, I had a hard time swallowing the notion that children could not be exchanged for money -- so unrealistic!

Obvious, isn't it, that too many of us have for a long time now been weary of games we once fancied...

Hey!

DAMN, CRACKER, WATCHUDOIN' TWEAKIN ALL THE TIME?

Because I Got High...

Any enterprising, vicious attorney out there who might think of styling himself or herself the antonym of San Francisco's Jonathan Bornstein? Now that things are getting more straightened out in my life, I'm looking back and seeing the need for a sort of reckoning on my behalf. Not just getting that eviction off of my record to ease my way into new housing when my name gets drawn in the next few months, but I'm talking a possible palms-up, full-on litigious retaliation: harassment, discrimination, defamation of character, emotional damages, theft, assault, and wrongful eviction for starters... Really looking into TNDC's horrible behavior towards me, especially during my last year at the Alexander. Justice!  (E-mail william.robert.way@gmail.com if you've got a good lead...)

Shine On

It gets scary, it can seem to crush everything you are -- even threaten to kill you.  But all shall work out for the best.  Heaven never isn't a time and place on Earth.  You will always become who you knew you could be...

Hey! That Homeless Marine Just Alger Hissed At Me!

Goddammit.  Maybe I'm personalizing something because I'm gakked.  Or maybe there's enough ire to go around -- enough guff even for friendly fire victims like me, who are faking it.  Or maybe it's just his time of the month.

(LAURA C.:  God, not another stupid American period joke.  Gracie Allen is spinning in her grave!)

Overheard During Gay Group at Passages in Malibu

"Okay girl?  I mean, I had no choice but to stop partying when every fucking time I was on one, the hills had eyes, and those eyes were wearing liquid eyeliner.  And on top of that, they were gloating because I couldn't get any..."

Well, Yeah, I Have A Good Idea of Who Hates Me and Why...

Yes, Had I Been More Circumspect...

...Not only would I have worn asbestos to the flame war with Charlie from FIRESTARTER, I also would have made sure everyone else who could have possibly been involved was protected by similar to avoid the collateral damage that has recently tried to hide itself from me.  In any event, I thank one friend for giving me the credit to know that even though I might annoyingly and wrongly blame myself for what the bad guys did to him, I would soon smarten up before any such wrongthink did further damage.

Taking some time to nurse my psychic wounds, for which not even I have pity, and I hope no one else has pity for them either...

PSA

No, seriously, I'm never doing methamphetamine again.  It's just as they said, a gateway drug, leading to harder things, like erections.

(And I had no idea Nestlé owns Wonka.  No wonder I never won a golden ticket.  It's a conspiracy!)

(Thanks, Tina Fey...)

人怕出名猪怕肥

...If that helps explain anything to some of you still solving a years-long mystery vis-a-vis yours truly (no shame in that, rest assured.)  And by the way:  "I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining." - Lily Tomlin

So, Like, Yah, Fer Sure, Right?

"Oh, definitely, Frau Wiegler!  At times it seemed like an absolutely boffo idea to work over a 37 year-old white and Native American gay man who attends services at a Jodo Shin Buddhist temple -- who, moreover, has lived since birth in Northern California and exhibits such a reaction to programming -- and radicalize him to the point that he goes on a killing spree at a soft target like an emergency room, or who at the very least could be spun as a palatable patsy for the press as the perpetrator in a sting operation transparently engineered by the FBI; (the latter of course would be cast as heroes who prevented an attack on a hard target.)

"Not that I would have known which outcome would have been most satisfactory, of course.  You know your business better than I do.  Still, I'm nothing if not a patriot, and therefore could have been bought off.  And you were partially correct:  even with my IQ, I wholeheartedly agree that I suffer at times from the most abject stupidity.  Yet to this day I wonder why such a shoddy effort was made to gull me, and why circumventing my right to consent was apparently perpetrated by puling amateurs.  I mean, really...  Who was meant to be the target of insults in all of this?  The target, or those who for years had a bead on him a mile wide?"

Hospitality Is Sin; Lust Is Virtue; Falsehood Is Pious

Come as you are, as you were

As I want you to be

As a friend, as a friend

As an old enemy

Take your time, hurry up

Choice is yours, don't be late

Take a rest as a friend

As an old

Memoria, memoria

Memoria, memoria

Come doused in mud, soaked in bleach

As I want you to be

As a trend, as a friend

As an old

Memoria, memoria

Memoria, memoria

When I swear that I don't have a gun

No I don't have a gun

No I don't have a gun

Memoria, memoria

Memoria, memoria

(And I don't have a gun)

When I swear that I don't have a gun

No I don't have a gun

No I don't have a gun

No I don't have a gun

No I don't have a gun

- Kurt Cobain

"Belief system"? Really?

How convoluted, how Rube Goldbergian, how matrix-like.  Rather, what about a string of convictions? That sounds so much prettier, like a string of pearls -- a lovely, pearl necklace.  Aw.

America, 2016

The nerve...