Dear Miss Fenty...

...My name is Tigger Niglet, and I live down the road from Christopher "31 Flavors" Baskin-Robin in Storybrook, California, near the Mendocino Mountains (Surely you know of local archvillainess Clara Bell, often joked about stupidly by your fellow New Yorker Kristen Wiig? But I digress...)

I beg for things as cleverly as possible, and always have paper towels in hand with my glass cleaning spray whenever I occasion to jump on a motherfucker's windshield, but I've never been successful enough to afford your shoes -- not even in jest!

But if I could, I'd like to ask you for a pair of size 8 1/2 men's hightops, in red vermillion lacquer (maybe bits of black showing through, Japanese-style?); with Imperial Yellow soles, laces and inners? I would rock them at least twice a week for years!

***

I think about Mikey a lot. I think about... What if he was horribly disfigured by burn scars, like the Marine mechanics who survived that serious accidental ordnance explosion or whatever on the tarmac at Travis a few months ago? I know I'd still want him, no matter what (yes, physically...) 

707 USMC Mikey, where art thou??? Waaah...

***

[DECISIVELY]: "Get Jason Bourne -- at once!"

ANALYST [INSTANTLY CRINGING]: "Um, ma'am, then maybe you shouldn't have initiated exclusionary protocols... Are you really sure you want to go crawling on your hands and knees to Mr. Bourne now? After all that?"

(Honestly, Leah, Jo, et alia: what the fuck do those movies *do* with Joan Allen, anyway?)

***

San Franciscans and guests of San Francisco who will be in the City: several tours seem to be scheduled for visitors to tour Salesforce Tower. This one is sold out (still points to a waiting list), but check around for others, or make your own not-exactly-#disrupty attempts at meandering through it. At 326 meters tall, it's a pretty notable new landmark, and who knows? In any sort of collapse event, it might be one of America's new Towers of David! Exciting, to muse on the post-apocalyptic, n'est pas?

(photo by William R. Way, on an LG flip phone, end of September, 2017)

***

"I SWEAR BY THE [UNINTELLIGIBLE] -- SWEAR [GRUMBLE]" Hey, it ain't Richard III. Try doing Charles II instead - but you better hurry, before he goes out the window!

***

Today is Sunday, and I may yet prevail upon my soon-to-be-dearly-departed-so-I-had-better-spoil-her mother to lend me the car that I may attend (Methodist? I think so...) services at the local community church -- just to be a sport, ya dig?

(Please join me in gassho, and... Namo Amida Butsu!)

If Any of You Piss Me Off...

(And if you're feeling horny and/or generou$$: paypal, venmo and gofundme links are in the right sidebar under "William R. Way" - paypal.me for general donations, venmo just because, and gofundme for housing help.)

Holiday Oddities

Item: Olivia Newton-John is one of Max Born's grandchildren... Let's Get Quantum Physical!

Item: It was lovely meeting that handsome, super-Christian dude who has strabismus at the store earlier this year (a less-than-random meeting, I do take it... Anyway...) - the one who mentioned "scratchers and Tahoe." Hope to again - I think he's one of those former foster kids from Century Ranch...? Best to him and his...

Item: Hanukkah (Dec. 13?) is coming up... Look for Leah T. in the lame, dreidl section of Toys 'R Us... (Lame because they've stopped carrying toy submachine guns. Opinions!)

---

As always, if you've got what it takes, you too can donate to the Gofundme, PayPal, or Venmo links to the right in the sidebar under "William R. Way".

Happy ChrismaHanuKwanzaa!

My Bang-On Lotto Fantasy

What would I do if I won the Super Jackpot? I've pondered this question since childhood, when my family would play the California State Lottery. If I answered it today, the first thing to come to mind is simple: retain a wealth management company's services - Transamerica's or Charles Schwab's.  And then go from there...

...Really, though, the two-acre residential/whatever-you-do-with-em lots along the road I live on are surrounded by thousands of acres of leased cattle run that's for sale. I would buy them; then I would begin attracting other investors, and such visionaries as Richard Branson to Elon Musk to Jeff Bezos, to my proposal to build a spaceport and a startup payload-and-passenger launch company. Skylon space planes, modified to launch off of rails, would fly Eastward (?) and upward to orbit three times a day on average, and there would be launch pads for Blue Origin and SpaceX, as well as a necessarily healthy-sized airport. A tiny, five by two-kilometer city, as well as a couple of agrarian hamlets, would round out the scene (there's already one reservoir, and another on the way, just over the Eastern range of mountains towards Sacramento Valley and the Interstate 5.) There should be ample room, of course, for factories that refurbish and repair and build, as well as those that refine hydrogen, and power plants... Much of the remainder of the old pasture land could still be let out as cattle run...

Reaction Engines, Ltd. (REL), Skylon Space Plane - due out in the next few years!

The rest of my outrageous fortune would be invested in a charitable trust in my name that gave to my favorite American and global social services and social justice causes, a scholarship fund, and such; I would also do my best to secure a legacy for future generations of those who carry on our last name Way...

Whew. So there you have it - I ruined any chance I have of seeing my fantasy come true!

(((---|||---)))

As ever, if you'd be so darling, there are gofundme, venmo and paypal links to the right in the sidebar under "William R. Way." Ta-ta, cheerio and all that!

"Patches! Here boy, Patches! *whistle*"

So I've had this hemp t-shirt by ONNO (retail value, approx. $30 - 40) for about three years. It had a hole in the abdomen caused by some shenanigan or work or another (maybe those dang Walmart suspenders...) Anyway, the fabric I wanted to patch it with, from an old Levi's shirt once belonging to my brother (and now in a rag bag for a hoodoo/Appalachia-style hand-knotted rug I'm to craft for the kitchen someday soon, but I digress...) - that fabric tends to unravel once cut, so instead of stitching, I adhered the patch with Krazy glue, which darkened the patch nicely and gave it a sparkly effect. Cute, somewhat girly-boy, and right up my alley... That with some RIT dye (azabache) before patching makes the shirt like brand-new... AND ARTSY-FAGGY!

(Full disclosure: this kind of fix is okay when I do it, because even though I use a mild detergent, I do so in a machine with cold water... Unlikely the patch will come off in the next few washes... And kids, here's a tip: for certain contusions, or if a cut person is on blood thinners like Coumadin, Krazy glue is a first-aid godsend; if you or your baby sitter or mom stick two fingers together by accident or otherwise get it on skin, a soak in a bowl of warm, soapy - Dawn, or somesuch dishwashing detergent - will help you get the stuff off...)

!!!

(Feeling gushy for the holidays, or drunk? My venmo.com and paypal.me links are to the right, in the sidebar under William R. Way...! Many hearts guys!)

Getting Any Hits on eBay... Gee...

This is de-lovely - fell out of an H&M suit of my brother's I ended up donating. I love it - some repurposed thin sweater, emblazoned with a kicky Starbuck's packaging patch in the shape of a dove... A pouch equipped with a loop for hanging, a fabric envelope the closure of which is fashioned with a several millimeter-in-diameter brass button. Chic to me.

I'm inspired by this and an heirloom collection of costume jewelry and unpierced-ear earrings (motherfucker snatched at your earring, because some such thinking of starting a fight smart? Bitch, as the surprise register's on that cunt's face... HIT A FUCKING EYEBALL!! GO GO GO!). Anyway... Really inspired, I say, to open an etsy shop showcasing beautiful things I've come into that you can't have because they're not for sale anyway.... Move it along, gawper!

GUESS WHAT I USE THIS IMITATION 3RD-WORLD BEAUTY AS?

ちゃうんじょ... もちろんたばこのさいふじょ!ふふふ~

(⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)

(As always, please if your ducats or dubloons demand you dispose of them, please do so to the right sidebar: gofundme, venmo or paypal. CHUU SHITE CHUUUU! CHOUDAI KARA OKEI?)

Cornbread At Dawn

(I made the cornbread gluten-free... Tomorrow, Eric will be home, and we'll have turkey, gravy, peas and corn, and cornbread... Happy Thanksgiving, errybody!)

-_-_-

And if you're feeling generou$$: paypal, gofundme and venmo links to the right, under William R. Way!

Rest in PIECES!!!!

“If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.” - Thomas Pynchon


                          ###

###

RIP Chuckles Manson: say "Hi" - won't you? - to Sharon Tate in that great mass grave we call "Heaven..." I'll sing some Aaron Schust for you...

###

As ever, look to the right sidebar under "William R. Way," and notice that I'm accepting donations at Gofundme.com (for housing); and Paypal.me and Venmo.com (for various and sundries, including my prescription needs/drug problem.)

Sunday Is My Fun Day

San Francisco: Financial District, Civic Center (Asian Art Museum and City Hall in lights after dark.)

===

Many of us see at least our spam folders (and plenty, our inboxes), flooded with e-mails our good sense knows originate with those who have no compunction about defrauding the well-intentioned, the (for whatever reason) embarrassed, the hard-up, the isolated or lonely, those who are not yet wise to the tricks employed, or those who are developmentally disabled or aren't yet mature.

These criminals seem to operate without conscience, and seem to think doing wrong turns to the vulnerable is acceptable; they rely on public apathy and the reputation law enforcement and the government often have for an unwillingness or failure to act.

If you or a loved one has been taken in by any such scam (and the scammers might be in another state), please know that plenty of people and organizations are around to offer their assistance. Here are a few contact options:

https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/scam-alerts (reporting scams)

https://www.fbi.gov/contact-us (Internet Crime Complaint Center)

https://www.justice.gov/doj/spam (Justice Department,  spam)

https://www.usa.gov/stop-scams-frauds (more links, info)

https://www.treasury.gov/services/report-fwa/Pages/Report-Email-Scams.aspx (reporting to the Treasury)

https://www.irs.gov/privacy-disclosure/report-phishing (For those scams reputing to be the IRS contacting you)

https://www.actionfraud.police.uk/scam-emails (In the UK) 

IT IS MOST IMPORTANT THAT YOU NOT BE DISCOURAGED BY ANY CONTACT YOU HAVE WITH OTHERS IN WHICH YOU ARE TOLD YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER, AND DO NOT BE SHAMED: MOCKERY OR UNWILLINGNESS TO HELP ON THE PART OF THOSE YOU TALK TO IS NOT THE FINAL WORD - KEEP TRYING. IF THAT HAPPENS WITH LAW ENFORCEMENT, INSIST ON SPEAKING WITH ANY SUPERIORS, CALL BACK, WRITE TO THOSE DEPARTMENTS OR INDIVIDUALS HANDLING OVERSIGHT. YOU KNOW WRONG FROM RIGHT, AND YOU DESERVE JUSTICE.

===

The rest of Sunday better be a breeze. Tons of lamb from Jenny U. (yay!), might bother Joyce next door for some of those ripe olives so I might cure them (I prefer salt to lye, myself), and... IF YOU'RE FEELING SINISTER, JUST LOVE BELLE AND SEBASTIAN RIFFING, OR FOR ANY OTHER REASON (SPITE IS A GOOD ONE, AMONG OTHERS), FEEL FREE TO DONATE TO MY GOFUNDME, PAYPAL, OR VENMO LINKS TO THE RIGHT-->>

Housing

...A few great ideas from Inhabitat.com today...

(Pop-up micro-apartment)

☀ ☀ ☀

(Sonoma Wee House)

☀ ☀ ☀

(New Zealand house)

So, yeah, please hit the Gofundme.com link to the right. Allahu akhbar!

Quintanilla

OOO

OOO

OOO

As always, if you can and want, feel free to help a brother out with the Gofundme, Venmo or PayPal links to the right... Blessy Jesue arright!!

REDACTED

If that is your real name LOL... It's been a day and a week since I saw you and your boys - you were underwater at the ferry building, with that puffer fish and other stuff, with those masks, doing that butoh that you do so well...

I had dreams about you yesterday and last night... I want to see you again! I'm in love...

(I did not, however, see the multipurpose surveillance drones of the Von Daniken Gods this morning... Something up? Are they connected? TO ANCIENT ASTRONAUTS AND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE? Oh, well...)

***

And to those of you in love with love, there are links to my Gofundme site, my Venmo account, and now, to Paypal.me for William Robert Way, all in the right-hand sidebar. Have at!

Yes, But Could Herb Caen Do Beautiful JPEGs?

The hot spot, ya dig?

Blueprints for a two-bedroom house, courtesy of Robert McGraw (RIP), as a possible floorplan for whatever replaces the current hovel - more on that from my younger brother...

Is it rambutan season already? (And don't eat the seeds, pendejo!)

Agapanthus foliage, for random soothingness...

***

Necesito una de esas bicicletas de ONE-SPEED de $100 Walmart está vendiendo! Jajaja!

***

Hugh Hefner, passed beyond the veil to the other side of a better place called a euphemism for HE DEAD, BITCHES at 91 godforsaken years old.

Bless your stinky little heart, mummy man of tittyland

***

Hey, Madison Avenue! I love this for a pitch for a 20-second spot

[BG MUSIC: Everly Brothers]

[JUMPY, ACTION-PACKED: High-speed hovercraft chase through the bayou - law enforcement in hot pursuit of a dapper, 30-ish man. 

[CUT TO: THE SUN IS EARLY AFTERNOON, BUT IT IS STILL AND TENSE: Adrienne Barbeau on a dock; she needs something, and is looking at her watch.]

[CUT BACK: Young man achieves his goal and delivers the goods; law enforcement gets a look at the meeting as they come up hot on his six, and thinks better of finishing their collar... Back to Ms. Barbeau, who looks visibly relieved; whatever it was she needed, whatever it was the young man risked so much to bring, is the product; cut to graphics - EN FIN]

***

Courtesy of the good folks at Newsweek: The people of Puerto Rico need the following: potable water, pharmaceuticals, diesel, toiletries, and more. Send help! https://t.co/zguEsSTOT7

***

On the sidebar, please note I am running a Gofundme campaign and have a Venmo account, should any donations be forthcoming... Thanks!

I Don't Speak German But I Can If You Want...

Je désire: Carina Bengs' "Ingatorp" dining table she crafted for IKEA. Oh, for $350! It would be a real decorating coup in my current (or future) living situation's dining room.

***

J'adore: KFC's Nashville Hot anything. So fucked up, so rica, so spicy! I actually poured the excess sauce onto my tenders and ate it the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks up... Can't really consume their horrid fare more than once a year, but dang, that may change with this new flavor...

(Especially since, with my receipt, I can do their little song-and-dance online, write down the promo code, and, AT THE SAME STORE, be guaranteed a free To-Go cup full of wedges and popcorn chicken or somesuch - AS LONG AS I PURCHASE A DRINK.)

***

It seems like just yesterday I was barely educating myself on the super-serious topic of the Sites Reservoir project. Sorry, Muirians, I'm terrible, and terribly in favor of perhaps a low-budget version of it. And as far as I know, they're still in the feasability-study stage of the project. My question: the August 14th deadline to apply for the bond money has come and gone -- is everything still on track? Finding news online isn't easy...

***

Wow, has it been a weird Summer or what? Indian and Bear valleys in particular still want to be everyone in Oakley's best kept secret, but in this day of the Internet, and DEA and cartel employees ridesharing on single-prop planes to the Willows airport, right over my little, stoned noggin? Doubtful!

For me, the strangest has been how busy air traffic has been. Yes, the aforementioned flights reminiscent of BLOW, and passenger jets at 30,000 (not to mention well-wished dust-offs out of Beale or Vandenberg, as well as Mr. Tall Blond Hot Stuff with the right stuff airman who flies the sky wagon for Enloewww.enloe.org/ - god bless our first responders indeed!) But I've especially noticed TONS of drones: private playthings, Google Earth and Street-view cheaters, VR mappers, special needs telepresence, local law enforcement surveillance, and other such Unidentifiable Flying You-Know-Whats...

And all that congestion in the skies has seemed to have had a damping effect on tourist traffic to East Park Reservoir, if I may be so bold, or seemingly unkind or unthoughtful or ungrateful - really cramping partygoers' style.

***

Much thanks to a (the?) "Star Trek: Original Series" group on Facebook for accepting my application to join. I was on tenterhooks for a bit there, not knowing what admins would think of my citing my favorite episode as "The Trouble with Tribbles." Of the two titles I remembered on the spot (God, now I know what if feels like to interview for a co-op in Hell's Kitchen!), it was the less lame: Damn you Edith Keeler, for making a laughing stock of James T. Kirk! But I digress...

It all comes down to the Enterprise's failing to deploy Yeoman Janice Rand in time to deal with Harry Mudd - she alone I know would have stopped Mudd's nonsense right quick; leave the Klingon menace to the rest of the crew! But she melodramatically was insulated from the Mudd problem - such a quintessential ST episode!

And as we all know, Janice went on to her post as a transporter room operator... Until that horrifying, fateful malfunction prior to the V'jer mission - a malfunction resulting in screaming, half-materialized goo on the platform who in turn Rand screaming to drink her life away in the Spacedock bar.

(Which, by the way - truthesque factoid and canonical - is why Federation scientists invented synthohol - Rand was constantly pestering Starfleet medical for liver regeneration.)

Worst job one could ever have in the 23rd century, it turns out, is to be a transporter room operator or transporter chief.

***

Oh, Frank Miller, you kidder, on Artemisia (gamely played by unflappable - seriously, UNFLAPPABLE - Eva Green), the antihistorical, fancy, Greek-born slavegirl who, chinchilla-like, rose through the ranks of the great hen house known as the Persian navy...

"Wisdom, Artemisia!" Golly, your majesty, you might have started by trying to counsel the damn dame to prudence... Just a thought.

***

And screw SOUTH PACIFIC: I'm never gonna wash THAT man (Mikey!) right outta MY hair!

***

Speaking of veterans, I must end this column on a somber note: some ugly statistics are coming out of the VA (and I consider them in light of the recent incident at San Francisco's Crown Hotel, where 55 units are reserved for homeless veterans - an incident which thank the gods ended without a loss of life), and they include the following: women veterans commit suicide at a rate of 250% that of their counterparts among the men.

Truly sobering, truly harrowing.

www.22kill.com

www.ploughshares.org

Perks To Being Me: I'm Not Always Barbara Hershey Getting Raped By The Entity....

I don't share often, vis a vis voices and presences and apparitions and hallucinations and such, but I should tell you, I'm often finding myself kept company by the living and the dead; Joan Crawford and Lisa Kudrow (chemist!) have helped me with laundry and cleaning; there's a couple of Englishmen who adore my cooking, and taste with me; Alicia Moore AKA P!nk likes my singing voice and some boss-ass shit I've done; I was with Carrie Fisher perimortem; Betty Davis went through a treatment similar to what some "evil" voices have done to me - I saw her treatment from the early '50s in a full-color REM-cycle dream; I keep friends with many military; personal acquaintances like Keith and Janet pop in from time to time; me and Naomi have a hoot (speaking of Streatham), and despise Galliano's nonsense...

Here's a diary entry from yesterday:

theories abound, including one that i'm mentally ill. I am. Duh.

*****

BTW, fancy new resources for those house-shopping in the 530 or adjacent area codes at my Gofundme site's latest update... Thanks!

じゃこれからまだ生きてるものと...

Three from among the living to cleanse the mind's palate after the previous entry...

(*)

New stuff on my Gofundme... Good resources, too, for those in the 530 area code searching for kit homes... Take a gander, give if you like! Thanks!

A Little Tour of My BOO-DWAHR...updated 0400 PT...

Here is where the magic happens! (Also, what dude wouldn't want to make out with me in this room?)

...UPDATED DOWN POST 0400 PACIFIC TIME 23-9-2017...

First, me (with dog)... KISSY FACE!

Shelves lined with books and activities. AND PORN! (Please note the floating lapidary display I'm working on for Joyce at the local museum, on the desk)...

Closet full of clothes, a bit of color accentuating it (Eric, your old football jerseys have been washed for that thing you're doing down in Ventura, hanging on my side with the clean stuff)...

Dubious art collection, cork board, iconography, full bed with luxe 400-thread count sheets...

Detail by door: an old strega trick to combat some Ecuadorian brujeria from you-know-where and you-know-who...

SOON TO BE PICTURED: MY NIGHTSTAND...

...AND HERE'S THE UPDATE as of 0400 BEALE/VANDENBERG:

My sexy nightstand, with all I need except lube (ooh-rah!), which is on the desk...

My own, personal Shark vacuum, which I use to detail the car, as well as my new-to-me Chinese wicker picnic basket -- good for outings to a park, say, in Alameda (hint, hint, somebody with a high-and-tight...)

And my sexy pedicure... SO INTIMATE, Y'ALL!

...update out...

***

Welcome to a typical shopping/cleaning day:

Having some homemade limeade, making a shopping list...

While making (in my $10 Walmart Crock Pot - for realz!) chicken noodle soup left over from half a rotisserie chicken; even the bones went into it, and got soft for dog treats or people treats; I gave the next door neighbor a bowl for his health on his 90th birthday...

...And contented myself with a Hindoo lunch: saffron rice gussied up with shallots (and saffron's expensive, Mr. Turmeric!); fresh spinach; walnuts, jack-colby and mozzarella; and a glass of half-and-half...

***

Nat'l Security cry for help, courtesy of  CONSCIENTIOUS CITIZEN W. E., who photographed these in - REALLY - Willows/Orland/Ukiah California -- WHO CAN HONESTLY TELL, IN TODAY'S KIM JONG UN AMERICA???

Remember: if you see something, SAY SOMETHING HELLA FUCKED UP -- loose lips sink ships, so make sure yours are sucking dick or eating pussy after hitting the glass dick!

***

My lip gloss is cool... My lip gloss is poppin'...

Whatchu know 'bout me? Whatchu know 'bout me?

请帮助房屋翻新费用！谢谢！

家の改修費用を手伝ってください！

Onegai shimasu...

Capucine

Desperation... Mikey, won't you marry me soon?

***

Got a mi-nikui but okay start to the morning...

Had coffee...

Walked the dog...

Blew some clouds...

...And prepped a couple of paintings to hang; cleaned them and such; one's a leaf I did in acrylic on a canvas board, and the other's an oil can by Rick Darnell - also acrylic, but on matte board... My curatorial skills be hella jamming...

***

Got a lot done in Willows (95988, off the I-5) today:

...Ordered new tires and a rotation at Safety Tire for Eric's old Volt, and got a great deal...

...Ordered breakfast, where I saw one of Willows' only lesbian couples...Flashed our secret sign LOL - kimochi ee yo...

...Had the taco salad and coffee, said "hi" to Mayra and Steph...

...And finished up at Walmart: among other things, got a new toilet seat and lid, which I installed as soon as I got home; MY TOILET IS NOW THE BOMB DIGGITY YO!

***

As always, would love some help with our housing situation... Much thug luv! PEACE!