I WUZ ROBBED, MISTAH TRUMP! DAMN OBAMACARE!

Argh! Why am I up at all hours of the night? I have too much cleaning to do, house AND el carro...

"THEY'RE COMING TO GET YOU, BARBARA..." "BRAAAAINS!": So tomorrow is psychiatry with Dr. Dan -- rejiggering the regimen, as it were: antipsychotics, antidepressants... And I will talk about my continued methylamphetamine ingestion (Desoxyn? Why yes, I have ultimatums prepared for when at first I hastily and with hostility infer any hesitance to write a scrip) and pot use, as well as what we need to do to get me on Chantix so that the tobacco is a-goner. Two weeks ago, those fuckers fucking with the AT&T network and my phone, pretending to be calling from Havlir's, cost us a lot of money and continue to keep the stress at home too high, but the upside is that UCSF PHP fit me in for virtually all but a blood draw, and neurology came up as a big issue (true to her heroic, "I'm frequently in Africa" nature, my primary care physician did a rough, head-to-toe, field neurolgical assessment -- never mind about faking out that right ear -- DIANE!!! LOL -- So I'm sure Dr. Dan and I will discuss that as well... Who knows? Maybe I will yet end up at UCSF Mt. Zion (and then on to Stanford, no doubt -- GO BEARS! BERKELEY RULES!) Doc H. talks big about a CAT scan (there will always be that part of her that wishes to put my camel to bed without its dinner), but who likes magnetic resonance imaging better than a patient who's previously been snookered as to the results of one done three years prior?

And no, I wouldn't mind at all if @MissMayim consulted on my case -- I am nothing if not a devotee of the sciences... I'd just have a real, really difficult-for-once issue if I ever saw Thierry Mugler or Patch Adams (or Robin Williams in a Walgreen's red nose, for that matter) show up at my bedside -- the latter scenarios horrify for the obvious reasons...

Love Is But The Song We Sing, And Fear's The Way We Die

The ring is mine, and so are the men. The ring is steel, and the boys, so hard -- quiet and hard (somewhat section-eightish of them, that silence... "Sound off like you've got a pair"); not there, not there anymore. But they're always mine and I theirs ("semper fidelis" is the motto, right?) I lose the ring from time to time; and give the boys a hump and a half looking for me, but never for too long...

(Disgression: Oh my! Upon writing this, I got schooled: they weren't as mute as my characterization makes out -- far from it, I'm sure. But those times when they were near, I know for a fact they never dared talk over me. I must be getting old.)

I started it, of course: if I had to answer, then yes, I know the significance of the ring -- the signficance I confabulated: One of the crowns etched in the ring is for me, the other five crowns for each of the sterling dorks in the unit. I don't know the story before mine, which is this: in 2012 or thereabouts, one fine blustery day, I purchased the piece of jewelry in question for $10 at the bazaar in UN Plaza. I'm sure it was crafted in the bountiful East, specifically in either India or Pakistan. More than that...?

Why the Marines? Who fucking knows? What should I be to the Corps, but an old oogle, a puke with no excuse. And all five of mine are interchangable jarheads, as far as they themselves, and as far as whomever or whatever they put their dicks in on an overnight pass are concerned...

I am one nobody, one of six nobodies, and among us the token civilian (useless, to purloin my late father's turn of phrase, as tits on a boar hog): Hi, my name is Will. Want to hear something cool? So whatever -- you couldn't pull it off, ritualistically excruciating me. In my humble opinion, gold star for effort, you know? The problem, I'll tell you, is you, not me; it's just not in your nature to deal me pain, not that way, certainly -- you'll always fail. I, on the other hand, have done what a legion could not do to me in return. Lord knows I've accomplished some inflicting in my time. Maybe I could teach you how to do it the right way, but I'm not confident of that... I hate to sound fatalistic or woggy, but one probably has to be born to do it; hurting others so well is a knack, or it must be one's karma.

Recovered by the Queen of the Gold Diggers, and returned to me during a visit last year to her lair at the Center of the Universe...

Stainless steel, my friend -- no rust. Yes, bitter, you know, but also six times luck. Good price for you, okay?

::::::::

URGENT: Renovation campaign: WILLIAM R WAY BOX 206 STONYFORD CA 95979

FACECROOK TWITCHER

Mr. Matt Lucas's Worst Nightmare

Somewhere above the Atlantic, on Virgin Flight 69...

MR. LUCAS: "Pardon me -- stewardess? I say, stewardess!"
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: "What can I do for you, Mr. Lucas?"
MATT LUCAS [licks lips nervously]: "May I please order the Mile High Club and a Diet Coke?"
FLIGHT ATTENDANT [chuckles cruelly]: "Sure, but I should warn you: the turkey's a little dry..."

Because I Got High...

Any enterprising, vicious attorney out there who might think of styling himself or herself the antonym of San Francisco's Jonathan Bornstein? Now that things are getting more straightened out in my life, I'm looking back and seeing the need for a sort of reckoning on my behalf. Not just getting that eviction off of my record to ease my way into new housing when my name gets drawn in the next few months, but I'm talking a possible palms-up, full-on litigious retaliation: harassment, discrimination, defamation of character, emotional damages, theft, assault, and wrongful eviction for starters... Really looking into TNDC's horrible behavior towards me, especially during my last year at the Alexander. Justice!  (E-mail william.robert.way@gmail.com if you've got a good lead...)

BREAKING (My Political Hymen)

LEWINSKY REFUSES TO ENDORSE CLINTON

Monica Lewinsky released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for President:

"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton.  The last Clinton Presidency left a bad taste in my mouth.  As we get closer to November of this election year, citizens must remember that they cannot trust Hillary Clinton on jobs.  The last time she had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to me, and I blew it."

Now I May Not Be Some Uppity, Assassinated Venezuelan Beauty Queen...

...But I dare let slip this audacious gobbet of Morgan Freeman-magnitude speechifyin':

Give a man a fish, and he'll have fish for a day.  Teach him how to fish, and chances are he'll be more polite to you than you deserve -- he probably already knew how to fish, and fish better.  Nevertheless, he was raised with different, more human, more realistic, more pragmatic values.  But don't be too put off if he seems to ignore you altogether; you might be presuming to try to do him a favor right at the moment he's thinking it a higher priority to jump food lines with other looters because, hey, let's face it, the world is a little more complex than you first thought.

#Venezuela #yotambiénsoyhumano #tengosed #tengohambre #tengomiedo

One of the Last of the Black Hats

Um, tangentially and apparently, Ed, when you hide from the world you miss a few things. Did you know there is a nationwide judge shortage? It takes about a year for a criminal case to see the inside of a courtroom for trial, and about three years for a civil case. I mean -- God! -- I am a drug-addicted loser who lives in the middle of nowhere with his mom, and even I know what's going on... (By the way, adding to stressors for the too few people on the bench, you're increasing the chances that yet more judges might resign. Smooth move, Ex-Lax.)

And from Tim:  "Essentially, Ed Lee blamed 'those liberal judges' for letting super-preadators (ahem) off the hook and back into 'our communities.' By arguing for mob rule in courthouses -- where pitchfork-carrying rural folk (William! Pay attention!) can pressure the judge to rule the way 'people's justice oughta' -- he's entered Trumpland."

Here's A Tip

I would encourage the younger guys -- guys who served in Afghanistan and Iraq -- to watch FIRST BLOOD (1982).  Excellent movie for them.

(See?  Huh?  That'll teach you to be homeless and a veteran...)

The Inferior Sex

I've been accused of objectifying men, which is ridiculous:  Men love to be objectified.

I've been accused of manipulating men to my own aims, which is ridiculous:  Men are for better or worse ruled by their cocks, and so am I.

If you're interested in a date, I like them rough, nasty, no-necked, tattooed, and possessing fucked-up teeth.

But truth be told, I like all men, I don't care how much of an asshole, douche bag or troglodyte you are.  All comers are welcome.  I can't wait to pull off my Penelope act...

November 11 -- Silence

What is there to say when you've seen all you've seen and done all you've done?  Maybe nothing, maybe a lot.  Many of you guys seem very reticent, and you have your reasons.  Besides, talk is cheap.

But it's also healthy.  If you ever feel like talking, you can talk to me -- I'm a good listener.  Maybe you think it will sound stupid, or that I couldn't possibly get it, but I contend it might be worth a try.  I'll be here.

Movies That Were Unintentionally Hilarious: LUCY (2014)

Scarlett Johansson is the girl to party with.  Just don't get on her bad side.

Basically, she gets roped by the Korean mafia into being a drug mule for some of the best dope ever manufactured.  One of the heavies kicks her in the stomach, into which a bag of screaming shit is sewed, and the bag breaks.  She immediately overdoses and catches fire -- I mean, for real.  The girl over-amps and it's not just in her head:  she physically, objectively levitates and hits the ceiling, then flies around the room like a witch from Club Universe.  It just gets better from there...  "Hello, my name's Scarlett Johansson, and I look hot in Versace while I kill evil motherfuckers with my god-like brain."  She discovers a taste for this rather empowering successor to flakka and meth, and instead of crashing, burning, and going to rehab, essentially becomes a deity.  And of course, there's Morgan Freeman in a cash-grab role as the stentorian (when is he not stentorian?), avuncular neurologist she contacts for "help."  Not help with twelve stepping, but help slamming and jamming until the bitch is time travelling and divulging the secrets of the universe in a way that would make Philip K. Dick put down his rolled up dollar bill.

This empty calorie action romp is gleefully immoral (drugs really help you transcend time and space to become a ruler of the universe) and sabotages any case Luc Besson wanted to make about his issues with women.  I give it 4 out of 5 stars -- it had me screaming at the screen:  "Ooh girl, I wanna party with you!  I got some shit, come on over!"  Highly recommended for those of you at Walden House (although it's more triggering than BREAKING BAD.)

It's So Like Me

To count my blessings even as I pray for rain.

Snake Oil Pitch

We see it every day in the news:  crime, war, sex, drugs, corruption, bad driving.  If only you had the world's ear...

Are people too much for you?  Do they seem out of control?  Don't you wish you could take them in hand and put them where you know they need to be -- where you know they'd be better off?  Try Doctor E's patented program.  Now this is no easy pharmaceutical fix, but a holistic approach that uses Doctor E's proprietary formula combined with a no-nonsense, take-no-prisoners mental program administered by a crack team of behavioral healthcare technicians who know and understand just what you're sure is wrong with the world today.

We can fix your problem, which is that until now you had no way to administer your solution to everyone else's problems (which as we are all aware are right in front of their noses -- if only someone was there to tell them!)  You know what everybody needs, and now, with Doctor E's amazing program, someone's come up with a way to help you get there.

Call now with your credit card at the ready to order your one-of-a-kind panacea for a world gone haywire.  You just know everybody would agree with you -- here's your best chance of convincing them!

(Offer available in California, Maryland, Virginia, Florida, Texas, and Washington, D.C. only.  Our basic package is available for three monthly installments of $1,000,000,000.99 and includes the controversial-yet-sexy elderly/addict/schizophrenics demographic management and containment program.  Megalomaniacal supervillains, please ask for our Prerogatives Extras -- a modestly priced perk for the admirably ambitious and in no way hypocrisy-ridden.)

From Doctor E, creator of psychic, non-smoking Sea Monkeys.  Doctor E, a name you can trust!

"You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs,"  says Donald Rumsfeld -- he knows our program works.  Check out our brochure for other celebrity endorsements.