No Justice, Just Us

Doing my itty-bitty part to help raise awareness, and to try and point out some possibilities for helping fight the good fight:

http://www.orangecountyfl.net/FamiliesHealthSocialSvcs/VeteransServices.aspx#.V18notQrJxA (the services to which they refer clients could probably always use mention or donations...)
http://www.shelterlistings.org/city/orlando-fl.html
http://www.foodpantries.org/ci/fl-orlando
www.thecenterorlando.org

While we continue to abide and continue to be appalled at our government's and law enforcement's response to gun violence and hate crimes, and while we continue to blog, protest, hold vigils, write letters to the editor, and so on, we have above (for starters) real, immediately achievable opportunities to put an answer to atrocities like what happened in Orlando, Florida.  The links in this post are listings or connections to services that can always use volunteers, money, in-kind donations, or simple promotion; doing such sends a clear message that love is always more powerful than hate.  Even $10 to a food pantry or a gift of children's clothing to a shelter for homeless families can make all the difference in the world to promoting the causes of love for one another and social justice.

Help Orlando, and help us all.

Pulse

Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and souls deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better than thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more, Death, thou shalt die.

- John Donne

America, 2016

The nerve...

Peripheral Stupidity Agency

How do you keep America safe when American civilians en masse can get the drop on you in the long game?  (And won't it be humiliating when you find out just what happened...?)

Aws Mohammed Younis Al-Jayab

That boy is so fine, he can blow me up with his babies.

(What?  I love America.  It's just that I'm ruled by courage, not by fear...)

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Three thousand miles away, there was tiny little flyspeck me still semi-thwacked from partying the night before at my South of Market residence hotel.  I boarded the 21 Hayes outbound to go to my job as a Grants Assistant at Catholic Charities.  There, on the bus, I overheard two women talk about planes crashing into the World Trade Center in New York.  Not until I got to work did I understand the scope and breadth of the tragedy -- we all of us huddled around televisions in conference rooms as we watched the scene unfold over and over again.  America had been attacked, a city devastated.

Brian Cahill, then Executive Director of our agency, the mission of which was to serve San Francisco's needy, disabled and elderly, told us we had the option of staying at work or taking the rest of the day off.  I took off, on foot, to look over what I could of the city that had always been my home.  I walked from Hayes and Stanyan to Haight Street.  I was immediately struck by the silence.  Everything and everyone seemed unable to make a sound.  There were no planes, few vehicles, and no chatter on the sidewalks.  Pedestrians were pretty scarce, actually -- a tourist trap like Haight is usually thronged that part of the day, teeming with visitors.  The few people I saw were all gathered at those storefronts that had televisions on.  Those televisions were the only source of sound.  At a pay phone near Buena Vista, a handful of gutter punks stood around with the receiver off the hook and were feeding quarters into the phone and listening.  But I heard no words, no conversation.

I ended up at my boss Ruth's apartment, where we watched footage of a woman from some 80-something stories up drop her shoes out a window, and then jump.

It was horrifying, and that horror continued for years.  Today, the wounds inflicted that day are still gradually healing.  The scars will always be there.  September 11, 2001 was a day of heroism, fear, sorrow, shock, denial, anger, and in small, humble places, tenderness and caring.  As a human, a former meth user, and a Buddhist, I am of course absolutely aware that everything is relevant and everything is connected, that there is no inside exclusive of any outside, that all hearts that are living beat, and that even the dead speak.  In fact, though few are heard, can we say that anyone is truly silent?  Yet that day, at least in the surface world of samvrti satya (the apparent world of cause and effect), the silence was overwhelming.  It was necessary, unavoidable, blameless, appropriate -- yet it was also in some ways detrimental and crippling.  As the activists of the 80s reminded us, silence equals death; and didn't the NYPD always tell subway riders, "if you see something, say something?"

I guess we can debate which is more appropriate, silence or talk.  Then again, we can't have one without the other.

In an abrupt, 180 conclusion to this remembrance of an infamous day from a life-long Californian, I'd like to quote Willie Jolley:  "The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence."  I'm not going to criticize how anyone else observes today, but I'd just like to say I intend on avoiding television, accessing social media sparingly, and thrusting myself into the present as wholly as possibly.  Blessings and love to everyone.  Take care.

Sorry To My Frienemies At The CIA

But you would have shown little to no loyalty to the psychologists who colluded with you and lent your efforts an air of legitimacy.  The Obama Administration may have shown little interest in prosecuting what journos have found festering under a big rock, but let's hope either the current President changes his mind on this (he may, with only a year or so left in his presidency), or a Clinton or Sanders administration is less reluctant.  (I don't expect much from Clinton, but Sanders or Warren would be great.)

Sort of Reading Between the Lines (Not Very Subtle Stuff)

"And do not say because of the lies which your tongues utter, 'This is lawful and that is unlawful,' lest you should forge a lie against Allah.  Those who forge lies against Allah will never attain the goal."

There is a lot wrong with this story.  Reading between the lines, what comes out is an admission of an unnecessary sting operation carried out by some public image-obsessed FBI employees.  The unintended consequence of their doing so and then suckering some thoughtless journalists is that I feel sorry for this misguided young man, who was strung along by FBI agents and a horrible excuse for an imam -- all of whom took advantage of his mental illness in order to have a laudatory turn at the spotlight.

I mean, the kid was in the bag pretty much from the moment the FBI started investigating him, something that happened as soon as he tried to enlist (not unusual, by the way, as my father was investigated by the FBI when he applied to enlist in the Navy during the Vietnam War -- he almost didn't get in because of my Grandmother's communism and Black Panther associations.)  What the hell?

(And as for Imam Omar Hazim, shame on you for breaching confidentiality as a cleric offering counseling, and for being so crass about someone's disability.  Just as much a failure as a Muslim as any violent criminal or terrorist who claims to act for the will of God.)

Back In The World

"And knowing's half the battle!"  That's what they say before the rousing theme designed to inflame your spirits and sense of patriotism, but they never tell you what the other half is:  a lot of pain and blood and heartbreak.  They never warn you about the shit you can't unsee:  half of Scarlett lying in a ditch, her intestines trailing away from her.  They never tell you that guys like Duke and Ace will come back so chewed up, they may as well not have come back at all -- you want to sneak into rehab at the VA and break their fucking necks because it would be a mercy.  They never tell you after Allah knows how many tours that you'll go so far beyond section 8, Cobra Commander's propaganda videos are more precious to you than a Carrie Underwood sex tape.

It's harder than you know.  People are so universally loving and supportive when you come back, but they don't understand how you never really come back.  Certainly, nothing below my knees came back.  And when civilians see the knee-hinge with those tell-tale dangling rubber bands -- I tell you, those who don't pretend not to look try to thank me for my service.  I tell 'em right away it happened when I was drunk and dicking around by the railroad tracks.  I don't even bother to slip my dog-tags into my shirt -- I just bald-face lie and dare them to call me on it.  Fuck, I'm so fucked up on this fucking hillbilly heroin and nightmares about reality I can't even hold on to the same IHSS worker for more than a week...

Tempting

Ferguson, Rick Perry, the Iraq crisis -- there's so much to continue bashing the other America about.  But it's been a long time since I published Freedom Camp, when the right wing was ascendant, and the Bush Administration was so scary people like me wrote online under pseudonyms (not that it mattered much.)  I'm not interested in being another Roy Edroso or Glenn Greenwald.  My grandmother's COINTELPRO-worthy history and my own Bush-era activism have gotten me in enough trouble.  I still never know when I'll be George Winston-ed out of the blue, or when I'll be able to finally put to rest Orwell references (I find them so tired these days.)  I do know I'm sick to death of thrashing right-wingers, most of whom I don't think of as hateful (as my friend Ruth said of her Arkansas kin -- they're not bad or malicious, they just know what they know, and no matter what they say, they, like the rest of us, take people case-by-case as they come.  They're not cretins, but rather often just fine people who are products of their time and place, and who don't know any better.  Certainly, they mean well.  I believe this.)  In fact, I never want to get in a flame war with DailyKos or About.com trolls again.  I'd even go so far as to say I somewhat regret how sharp-tongued I was with many Bush supporters during those years; too bad I can't take back some of the x-acto-fine lashings I doled out back then.  These days I am a devout Shin Buddhist, and will do my damnedest to say and think only beautiful things.  I'd even go so far as to say I'd love to meet former President Bush; he seems like a very personable guy with lots of good in him.

I guess you could say I "cowarded" out of the partisan war that the left and center-left seem to be winning these days.  I'd much rather outlive my mother after she passes on of old age and natural causes, than be felled by a letter bomb or a Red State dead-ender's made-good-on death threats.

Hence "The Hollow Man."  Occasionally harrowing, and every once in a while too close to the bone -- it is nevertheless an expression of the best of my writing abilities.  I've noticed it speaks to many more thousands of people than Freedom Camp ever did, it exceeds the previous blog in maturity and entertainment value, and it seems to be far more effective a bully pulpit for forwarding my agenda than some snarky, me-too post on a political message board.

(P.S.  Isn't it awkward noticing the CIA when they operate domestically?)

(P.P.S.  Tangential to the previous post-script, a big thumbs up to San Francisco Police Department's handling of a found bomb a couple of months ago.  Completely the opposite of what we'd expect from many East Coast authorities (see the Boston Marathon Bombing -- granted, that one went off, but still...))

Present-Day Hauntings

The most recent updates about Philip Seymore Hoffman's death indicate not that he overdosed but that his junk was bad -- some of the fentanyl-laced heroin currently on the market.

Where is the quality control?  You'll never find a more reliable consumer than a heroin addict, so it's stupid to kill them from a business standpoint.  Is the contamination intentional?  I hope not -- that would be a terrorist act; even if the targets are "drug-addled losers," they're still U.S. civilians.

The corrections industry, the rehab racket, and entrenched bureaucracies fight us every step of the way on harm reduction, testing, safe injection sites, needle exchanges, et cetera.  On the one side, you have the prohibitionists who know goddamn good and well that their agenda is inhumane and a force that undermines civilization.  On the other, you have the compassionate and the contrite fighting an uphill battle for social justice, public health, and the enfranchisement of those whom society marginalizes lest lynch mobs run out of strange fruit.  One side is in it for lucre and temporal power; the other, fairness for all.  The former has money and hopes to continue raking it in; the latter operates on a hope and a prayer.  Prison guard unions, the DEA, axe-grinders, Carrie Nations -- these fight Quakers, ethical medical professionals and social workers.  Meanwhile, "organized crime" tries to run its business on our backs as it makes Faustian bargains with governments (the mob always tries to go legit, but let's face it:  governments need a foil in the war on drugs and are known to leverage dirty work out of made men.)  It's a kiss-up, kick-down, double-dealing world populated by scumbags and hypocrites, many of whom wear badges and suckle at our teat with too-sharp teeth.

The pawns in this twisted fracas:  drug users.  People, we are only as free as those among us who are the most crushed.  When the vast majority of Americans who don't think about narcotics and the war on drugs finally get off their collective dead ass and realize that they, therefore, by extension are just as oppressed as the most maligned and persecuted, we might stop hearing the pigs accuse the powerless of being pigs.  We might see pigs fly.

Hoffman's death is an unsubtle reminder that drug users count among their number our best and brightest people.  Genius is a touched and wild thing.  It often finds itself hitting a pipe or shooting up.

End prohibition and save lives.  Who knows?  Some of them might turn out to be worth saving.

That Tickles

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2013/12/the-6-000-page-report-on-cia-torture-has-now-been-suppressed-for-1-year/282318/

I never could understand how we justified the expenditure and moral cost of torturing detainees.  Torture is as old as written history, and we've always known its only purpose ever is simply to gratify the torturers on very base levels.  People torture just to torture, there's nothing deeper than that, and we haven't learned anything new that's temporally actionable or profound about human nature by indulging this facet of our society.  In this modern era of satellite and drone surveillance, data-mining and wiretapping, and all that rigamarole, it seems to me that if you have the intel you need to capture your intended torture subject, you have access to all the intel torturing him or her could net you -- if not reams more.  It makes no sense that we do shit like stress-positions, water boarding, electrocution, rape, et cetera.

"Do You Ever Notice" (In My Best Andy Rooney...)

...Whenever the government wishes to extra-legally detain, torture, or unethically and in contravention to accepted morality experiment upon people, the subjects are almost invariably people we could do with more of in civilian life?  The subjects are never people we almost all of us profess to want gone, and they're never openly unpopular types.  Subjects are always politically inconvenient, or interesting, or really awesome as people...

On a tangent, it occurs to me to ask, how many Gitmo detainees have dossiers that in fact identify them as reformist, non-radical, secular, Western-sympathizing, and/or liberal?  More than I can count on my as yet complete set of ten fingers, I'll warrant...

OMG

http://gaw.kr/rnjOksp

7 Things OF WHICH All Americans Should Disapprove

Just putting this out there.  I was an ardent Obama supporter, and voted him in for his second term (I mean, our only alternative are Tea Party nutcases from the Land of Utter Delusion.)  I couldn't find much to disagree with in this list, and I think it's worth pondering and promulgating:

http://www.disinfo.com/2013/01/seven-things-all-americans-should-disapprove-of/

Some Thoughts on Torture

It might be consolation to a torture victim if his treatment displayed creativity or artistry.  The subject, though excruciated, can nevertheless cultivate an aesthetic appreciation of his travails.

How flattering, also, that so much attention and devotion are lavished on one.  One feels many things when tortured; neglect is rarely one of them.

That is the sweetest consummation of the ritualized, stylized yet visceral, relationship between torturer and tortured (when it's ideal):  not bloody, painful demise of the victim, but a window opened to truly knowing one's torturer on a personal level.  One keeps the memory of such a soul-touching encounter for the rest of one's life.  Torturers who think they maintain anonymity, detachment or distance do not know what they reveal of themselves when they deliberately cause pain to another who does not want it.  They'd be surprised to find what their subject has gleaned about their innermost selves from the work done.

One is never as intimate even with one's family, friends or lovers.

Syria

So near as I can tell, Obama's taken the bait, and is sending in Marines.  On the news, the idea is heavily hyped that of course our old, Saturday-morning-cartoon supervillains, al Qaeda, are behind the deaths of the diplomats.  It's as though they're less a paramilitaristic terrorist organization than a campaign tool for Mitt Romney.  The way I see it, American interests have all been in good hands since hostilities in Syria began; the intelligence community and covert military should have had all their bases covered -- I can see no excuse for the deaths of diplomatic personnel.  It gets me to wondering what twisted chess games go on between old-school CIA and Homeland Security, and what domestic political motives are behind this apparently unintentional security slippage.  What does seem clear is that any substantial, publically acknowledged military commitment is a net gain for Republicans, or so they may think:  they're sure any belligerent reaction by the Obama Administration would be an affront to his base, and experience tells many neocons that the fog of war can make America retarded enough to give their side an edge in an election.  Whatever.  Power struggle here means more sand niggers and infidels die over there.  Usual stuff, I guess.